Consider the Source…

By: R.S. Block

When I give leadership training or coach someone through a challenge, I always start the same way. Tell me what went wrong, then tell me where you want to go.

Most people are surprised by this approach. They expect me to focus on their strengths or skip past the messy parts. But I've learned something important through my own journey. You don't have to shy away from mistakes. Lean into them. Learn from them.

After someone shares their struggles and goals, I notice they often mention all the voices telling them why their dreams won't work. The friends warning them about risks. The family members predicting failure. The coworkers explaining why change is impossible.

That's when I teach them something that changes everything . How to evaluate those voices using a skill they already have.

Remember school? Whether it was middle school, high school, or college, when you were writing essays and research papers, you learned about sources and citations. The most important thing you discovered was ensuring your source was reputable. Is it credible? Solid? Published? Academic? Does it fit the criteria for what you need to write a well-informed body of work?

Apply that same rigor to the people giving you advice about your life.

Consider the source.

When someone tells you your ideas won’t work or your work isn’t good enough. Consider what fresh ideas they’ve presented or if their work is what you aspire to reproduce. When someone says you'll never recover from that financial mistake, examine their approach to money. When someone warns you against taking risks, check their track record with opportunities.

Most of the time, you'll discover the people quickest to predict your doom are often the ones who never recovered from their own setbacks. The ones telling you to be realistic are usually the ones who gave up on their dreams. The ones warning you about failure are frequently the ones who stopped trying after their first disappointment.

You need to be discerning about whose voices you allow to influence your decisions.

Years ago, I applied for an HR role at a previous company. I had my certification, experience in staffing and workforce development, and felt ready for the challenge. I made it to the third interview with someone who held the position I was seeking. Instead of discussing my qualifications, he spent the call questioning whether I actually had the same certification as him. He couldn't believe someone younger with less experience could have achieved it. Needless to say, I didn't get the role.

When he followed up, he offered to give me tips on how to interview better. What a slap in the face.

I left that company a month later and was eventually offered a leadership role with the same title as him. With my experience, my certification that he questioned, my innovation skills, my natural leadership abilities, and my willingness to learn and grow. I didn't have to rely on saying "I've done this for 500 years so I'm the expert."

He's still exactly where he was then - same role, same company, years and years later. No innovating. No building. Just stagnant.

If I had stopped right there and believed his assessment that my interviewing skills weren't enough or that I didn't deserve my certification, I would have stopped pursuing HR entirely. But I considered the source. His career wasn't one I desired to have. He'd been stuck in the same position for years without growth or progression.

Why would I take career advice from someone whose career I didn't want?

This applies to internal voices too. When your brain tells you that previous failures predict future ones, consider the source of that thought. Is it coming from the part of you that's learned and grown, or the part that's still stuck in old patterns? Is it wisdom from experience, or fear from wounds that haven't healed?

I'm not suggesting you dismiss everyone who's ever struggled. Some of the best advice comes from people who've been exactly where you are and found their way through. The difference is what they did with their experience. Did they use it to grow, or did they use it to justify staying small?

Consider the source doesn't mean only listen to people who've achieved exactly what you want. It means being intentional about whose voices you allow to influence your decisions. It means weighing advice based on the advisor's experience, results, and alignment with your objectives.

The next time someone tells you what you can't do, can't overcome, or can't achieve, pause. Look at their life. Examine their choices. Consider their track record.

Then ask yourself - is this a credible source for the guidance I need?

Your dreams deserve better advisors than people who gave up on their own.